Promise Hill S1 Ep 9 Who am I? Biblical wisdom for identity struggles and spiritual growth

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Have you ever felt like your life was unmanageable due to other people's choices or learned information about your life that changed how you saw yourself?

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Welcome back to Promise Hill.

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I'm Kimberlee Herman,

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your host.

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Last episode,

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what started as a simple walk for coffee turned into something much more.

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Mira crossed paths with Nathaniel and Gideon,

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two men shaped by patience and fire,

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and left with more questions than answers.

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The mysterious texts continued,

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a meeting was set,

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and just before everything could unfold,

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Mira's mother Ruth called.

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Now,

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in chapter 9,

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Mira is about to step into learning how to process and manage the weight of truth.

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Let's listen in.

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Mira sprang out of bed after the door knock woke her,

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heart beating so hard she could feel it pounding.

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Out of breath,

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she slowly opened the door,

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not sure who would be over first thing.

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Oh,

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Mira,

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I'm so sorry to bother you.

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I had a very distressing dream about you and felt I needed to come over quickly to check on you.

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Is everything okay?

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Mira nearly fell into Grandma Eden,

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out of relief and sadness.

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Ah,

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Grandma Eden.

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I am so grateful to see you.

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No,

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everything is not okay.

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Please come in.

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Thank you for checking on me.

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They sat in Mira's living room.

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You will not believe this.

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I just found out that my mother never told me I was adopted when I was three,

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and that my grandmother had wanted to keep in contact with me,

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but my mom didn't allow it.

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How could my mother keep this from me?

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The betrayal of lying to me.

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I need to understand all this.

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With my mom's dementia,

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I can't just pepper her with questions.

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I have to keep calm so she's not rattled.

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Oh,

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my dear girl.

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Reaching for Mira's hand.

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With unexpected news like that,

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I...

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I don't know who I am anymore.

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Grandma Eden didn't rush to respond.

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She moved her chair to sit close beside her.

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Not across.

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Not distant.

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But beside,

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like someone prepared to carry the weight with her.

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That's one of the most painful questions a person can ask,

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and also one of the most sacred.

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Mira's eyes filled with tears.

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Everything I thought was true isn't.

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She never even hinted at it.

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Grandma Eden nodded slowly,

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her gaze full of quiet understanding.

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Does it feel like the ground has disappeared?

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Mirror nodded.

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Grandma Eden reached over and gently placed her hand over Mirror's.

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Then let me remind you of something steady.

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When the ground shifts,

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it doesn't mean you're falling apart.

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Although I won't deny it does feel like it.

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But it does mean something deeper is being uncovered.

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I don't feel strong enough for this.

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Grandma Eden gave a soft,

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knowing smile.

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Strength rarely feels like strength when you're inside of it.

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It feels like confusion,

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grief,

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even fear.

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But strength isn't always loud,

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Mira.

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Sometimes it's quiet.

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It's the part of you that keeps breathing,

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keeps seeking,

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keeps going,

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and even resting when everything in you wants to shut down.

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Mira stared into her tea.

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What if everything changes?

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Oh,

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it will.

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Life's not something we get to keep unchanged.

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But listen carefully.

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What changes around you doesn't have the authority to define what's within you.

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Mirror's brows knit together.

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Blood is a beginning,

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not a definition.

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The people who raised you loved you.

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That love is real.

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And whatever you are discovering now,

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that's real too.

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Two truths can exist at once without cancelling each other out.

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Mira let that settle in.

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I found two letters.

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From someone named Eleanor.

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I think she's my grandmother?

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She wrote one to my mom and one to me.

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Oh,

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wow,

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Mira.

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That must feel like holding a piece of your own heart in your hands.

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I can't read mine yet.

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I tried,

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but I can't.

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And that's all right.

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There's no prize for rushing through pain.

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Eden gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

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Some truths need to be approached like you would a frightened animal.

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Slowly,

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gently,

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with care.

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Mira let out a shaky breath.

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I feel guilty.

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Like I'm betraying the life I had by even wanting to know.

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Oh,

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Mira,

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listen here.

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Love doesn't divide like that.

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Wanting to know where you come from...

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doesn't dishonor the people who raised you.

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It honors the fullness of who you are.

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Tears slip down Mira's cheeks.

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You're allowed to hold gratitude for the life you were given and still seek the truth of how it began.

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Tell me,

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what does your heart feel?

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It feels pulled,

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like something's calling me forward,

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but I'm afraid of where it leads.

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That's often how truth feels.

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It doesn't drag you.

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It invites you.

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Fear just tries to convince you not to accept.

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Mira looked up at her.

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What if I don't like what I find?

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Grandma Eden gave a small,

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bittersweet smile.

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My dear,

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truth is not something we measure by whether we like it.

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It's something we learn to walk with.

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And I have lived long enough to tell you this.

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What is true...

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may break your heart for a moment,

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but what is hidden will either break it slowly over a lifetime or rob you of the fullness of your story.

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Mira absorbed that,

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her breathing steadying.

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Then Grandma Eden added gently,

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You don't have to read the letter today,

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but don't let fear be the reason you never do.

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Mira nodded slowly.

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Also,

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you aren't alone in this,

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not in your questions,

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your grief.

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with a betrayal and not in what comes next.

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You may feel like your story has been rewritten,

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but you're still the one holding the pen.

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I'm supposed to meet the person who texted me on Monday,

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just two days away.

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I don't think I can do that.

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Sometimes we need permission to know our feelings are valid.

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It's okay and understandable that you're not ready.

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Give yourself some time to sit with this news before finding out more information.

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I assume this text person has something to do with this.

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Yes,

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I think so too.

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I'm texting now to let them know I need more time,

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and that I did talk to my mom,

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and I'm overwhelmed.

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Mira let out a soft breath,

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something inside her easing just slightly as she texted.

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A response came through quickly.

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Mira read it out loud.

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I understand,

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Amira.

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Please text me when you're ready.

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I'm here for you.

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Sharing my feelings is so hard,

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but I'm glad my feelings are being respected.

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That makes it so much easier.

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Something else that is unsettling,

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Grandma Eden.

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The letter said my name is Amira and that my dad was dangerous and he lived here in Promise Hill.

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That was almost 25 years ago,

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though.

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I wonder if he's still here.

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Maybe I lived here when I was little?

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Grandma Eden's expression shifted,

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subtle but unmistakable.

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She slowly set her teacup down.

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Wait,

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dear.

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You're telling me your birth name is Amira,

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and you used to live here?

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Oh,

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dear me.

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And just as Mira begins to process it all,

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another connection surfaces,

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because the past isn't behind her anymore.

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It's waiting for her in Promise Hill.

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Stay with us for Episode 10,

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where what was hidden continues to rise.

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Take it away,

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Kimberlee.

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This episode touches something many of us experience at one point or another,

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the unsettling realization that a part of our story isn't what we thought it was.

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While most of us won't discover we're adopted,

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many of us have faced moments where new information,

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painful truths,

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or unexpected circumstances force us to rethink who we are.

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Like Mira,

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we can be tempted to rush toward answers or avoid them altogether,

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yet healing often happens in the spaces between.

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It happens when we allow ourselves to grieve what was lost,

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honor what was real,

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and trust that the truth,

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even when painful,

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can lead us towards greater freedom and wholeness.

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I want to dedicate this story to my grandmother,

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who purposely was adopted out at age three.

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I think about her story often.

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She has little pieces of memories that pop up once in a while at those young ages,

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but I just,

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I can't even fathom.

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Sometimes God begins healing us by uncovering the things we've avoided for years.

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Not to shame us,

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but to lead us into truth and freedom.

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I love the way Grandma Eden sat beside Mira.

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Instead of trying to fix her,

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most people don't need pressure when they're hurting.

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They need presence.

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So if your life feels uncertain right now,

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maybe don't ask,

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what's wrong with me?

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Because I know we've all been there.

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What is wrong with me?

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Maybe ask,

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what truth is trying to find me?

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What is God trying to show me in all of this?

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And maybe God is closer in this season than you realize.

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I made a little ebook called Pause the Sacred Reset.

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It's a short

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10-minute tool to use when feeling overly stressed.

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It's free as a thank you for your email.

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I would love to get to know you more and through email is a great way to get started.

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Look for the link in the notes below.

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Let's walk through three reflections together.

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And I've decided to move to only one action step in each episode.

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So it doesn't feel so overwhelming.

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I know I can tend to throw a lot of,

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you know,

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good information,

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but it can be a little overwhelming.

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So just one action step each episode.

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All right.

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Reflection number one,

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when we're afraid to face the truth.

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There are moments in life when something shifts your understanding of who you are.

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It can feel disorienting.

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even unsettling,

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like the ground moved beneath you.

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Mira realizing she may not be who she thought she was mirrors a deeper fear many people carry.

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What if I don't really know myself?

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Hear it and hold it.

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Psalm 28 verse 7 says,

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The Lord is my strength and my shield.

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My heart trusts in him and he helps me.

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Your identity was never meant to rest fully in people or circumstances.

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Even when your story feels uncertain,

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your worth is certain.

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As Psalm 139.14 says,

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I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

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Your works are wonderful.

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I know that full well.

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We are still intentionally created,

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seen,

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and known by God,

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no matter what pieces are missing or confusing.

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Number two,

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an identity crisis doesn't always happen in a dramatic moment.

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This speaks directly to the deeper theme underneath Mira's unraveling,

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identity.

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Her history is changing,

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but her worth is not.

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Women who feel lost in motherhood,

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grief,

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divorce,

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aging,

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caregiving,

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or burnout need the reminder that your identity is not anchored only to roles,

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relationship,

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or circumstances.

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And this goes for men too.

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Men tend to tie their identity into their work and sometimes some other things.

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But we are not meant to be tied to those roles as our identity.

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We all do it.

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So this is your reminder that as a Christ follower,

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we are called

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God's children.

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As John 3 verse 1 tells us,

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hear it and hold it.

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So John 3,

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1 says,

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see what great love the father has lavished on us,

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that we should be called children of God.

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And that is what we are.

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Number three,

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healing usually begins with.

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being gently seen.

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I want to take us back to the scene of Grandma Eden sitting with Mira.

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She allowed Mira to share her grief and she listened.

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She validated,

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but she also shared a helpful perspective that did not diminish her pain.

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Have you had that experience?

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experience?

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In counseling,

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we call that creating a safe space.

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Not everyone knows how to do it,

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and good counselors are well-trained,

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but it takes being intentional with being present to listen and not to fix.

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We are directed to support people wherever they are in life,

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as Romans 12 15 tells us,

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rejoice with those who rejoice,

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mourn with those who mourn.

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If you had not had that experience,

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I highly recommend you

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finding a good counselor.

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Share your story.

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Let someone sit in it with you to give you validation,

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perspective,

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and guidance on what to do with those hard things in your life.

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I'll be honest though,

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just because you find a counselor doesn't mean they know how to create that safe space.

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Sometimes you have to go through a few counselors to find the right one.

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I've been in a handful of counseling offices over my life with lay and professionals.

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who did not know how to hold a safe space for me.

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I would be sad and crying and upset and sharing something and they get this.

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They would interrupt and interject their own story.

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That's not counseling.

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That's rude.

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It didn't feel good and I felt dismissed and all it takes is one time and I just move on.

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And I know what you're thinking.

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Tell them how you feel.

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I could,

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but I don't feel like it's my job to train someone that should already know how to do this.

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That's just me.

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But

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Quite honestly,

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if you don't feel validated in a counseling session,

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that says something about the counselor and I would consider,

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I mean,

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obviously you can talk to them.

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If you've been with them a long time and it's a one-time thing,

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let them know how you feel.

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But if it's your first or second session and you're feeling that way,

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then

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I personally wouldn't continue.

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Okay,

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let's discuss one action step you can take if feeling stuck.

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Anchor your identity in what God says,

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not you

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what feels unstable.

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Think of something you're struggling with,

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like fear or insecurity.

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Then find one scripture that counters that.

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Write it out,

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make it pretty,

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then place it on your mirror so you can see it all the time.

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Or put it in your car where you're going to see it.

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Every time your thoughts start to spiral or go negative,

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return to what God says.

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Not what the moment is saying about you.

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Did you hear that?

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Not with the moment.

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is saying about you because moments are fleeting.

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They change.

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They're here and there.

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This is about steadying your identity when life feels like it's shifting.

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For example,

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if I'm feeling unlovable in that moment,

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or if I feel it,

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if there's a pattern there,

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I can write out the scripture by personalizing it.

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So we're adding personalization to the scripture.

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What that means is you make it so it's talking to you.

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So here's an example.

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This is Zephaniah 3.17.

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The Lord my God is with me,

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the mighty warrior who saves me.

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He will take great delight in me.

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In his love,

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he will no longer rebuke me,

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but will rejoice over me with singing.

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00:16:52.115 --> 00:16:52.235
Now,

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00:16:52.275 --> 00:16:53.096
how cool is that,

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00:16:53.196 --> 00:16:54.557
that God sings over us?

407
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I can picture that in my head,

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like God's totally singing over me.

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00:16:59.862 --> 00:17:06.225
And that makes me feel so much better and takes me out of the terrible moment I'm in feeling all,

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you know,

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down and all that.

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So personalized scripture.

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Let's end in prayer.

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Our gracious Father in heaven,

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the one who made the heavens and earth,

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thank you for showing how you love us,

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for meeting us where we are hurting,

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betrayed and rattled.

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I lift to you the listener that needs to know you are here,

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00:17:26.957 --> 00:17:27.737
holding their hand,

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00:17:27.857 --> 00:17:28.998
guiding them into peace.

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The listener that needs to be seen needs your wisdom,

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guidance,

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and understanding.

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I appeal to your generous heart and word that says you give wisdom when asked and your spirit brings comfort to the hurting.

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For the listener that doesn't feel seen or heard,

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show them you hear them.

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Your word says that our prayers are to be set before you like incense and that the lifting up of our hands be like the evening sacrifice as said in Psalms 141 verse 2.

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Thank you,

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00:17:55.786 --> 00:17:55.966
God,

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for hearing our pleas of help when we are hurting and being a God of action to love us.

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In Jesus's holy name.

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Amen.

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Thank you,

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00:18:05.111 --> 00:18:05.312
friend,

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00:18:05.313 --> 00:18:05.872
for listening.

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00:18:06.232 --> 00:18:08.133
I hope this podcast brings support to you.

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00:18:08.533 --> 00:18:13.616
Don't forget to subscribe so we can stay in touch and share this with a friend that could use some encouragement.

439
00:18:13.796 --> 00:18:14.116
Also,

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00:18:14.737 --> 00:18:19.920
grab the pause sacred reset while it's available for free right now by clicking the link below.

441
00:18:20.020 --> 00:18:21.621
And I'd love to hear get your feedback.

442
00:18:21.841 --> 00:18:22.421
Is it helpful?

443
00:18:22.561 --> 00:18:23.241
Is it not helpful?

444
00:18:23.362 --> 00:18:23.922
I'd love to know.

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Until next time,

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friends,

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00:18:25.767 --> 00:18:28.830
may you find peace in the presence and hope on the hilltop.

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This is Kimberlee Herman cheering you on from Promise Hill.